It is a psychological truism that hurting people hurt people. Knowing this helps us to understand others when they hurt us. To understand, however, is not to condone. Wrong behavior must never be accepted.
In order to forgive those who hurt us, it helps to understand why they hurt us. Usually, the hurt inflicted upon us has nothing to do with us but everything to do with the person who hurt us. The one who hurts others usually acts out of his own pain and takes out his pain on someone else.
Of course, this is sick behavior. But understanding motives is essential in the forgiveness process.
As Jesus hung on the Cross, He prayed, "Father, forgive them for they don't know what they are doing." The same is true of us. We can forgive those who hurt us by realizing that they really did not know what they were doing. If they did, they would never have hurt us.
If one who hurts another truly understood that he was hurting himself far more, he would never hurt anyone. In his warped thinking, he believes he is gaining a benefit from hurting another person. But this is a lie that will one day backfire on the one who hurts someone else. As Scripture promises, we will reap what we sow (Galatians 6:7).
If you have been deeply hurt by someone--and all of us have--choose today to forgive that person. Forgiving the one who hurt you will set you free. Remember this: you are a prisoner to the extent that you do not forgive others. As long as you do not forgive, you remain chained to the one who hurt you. But when you forgive the one who hurt you, you are set free.
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Copyright 2014 by MaryAnn Diorio, PhD, DMin, MFA. All rights reserved.
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